Looking outside the Window #31

The eldest one came out of the bathroom and saw her phone in her hand. Her heart beats increased and for the first time, it actually appeared on her face. She hurried, snatched her phone and read the message. She stood besides the bed, looking at her sister with a helpless emotion.

The dimpled girl entered the room slowly, looking on the floor, and said it out loud without making any eye contact “I have to tell you both something. A thing that I’ve been hiding from everyone.” Both the sisters looked at the dimpled girl, as she slowly raised her head.

She held the elder one’s hand and pulled her to sit on the bed. While they sat in a circle, she started unrolling her secret.
“I have never been able to fit in around here. You both know very well, I do not feel comfortable or confident even around my parents.” She took a long pause and continued
“I am not meant to be here, I am not meant to be expected to be lady-like. I don’t feel like this body belongs to me. I have bigger breasts, I have body of a female, long hair (which again, are expected of me), these things do not define who I am in reality!” She started getting frustrated gradually.
“I cannot meet our parent’s prospects of having a perfect life, getting married and having kids, and fulfilling all the tasks of having a family. I am more than that, I am meant to do more than just that! Living here feels like a torture, emotionally, mentally and physically!”

“What are you talking about?” The elder one got irritated.

“I had applied for my visa. They have arrived. I just got off the phone. I am moving away, from everything, to another country. I plan to never come back. And you are the only ones I want this to know because I know you will at least try to understand. But…it does not man I am moving away from both of you. I will always stay in contact, I promise.
It’s still going to be our secret?”

The younger one was utterly confused. “She is moving away? Leaving us?” Outright silence exploded the room. It was too much of all of them to take in and settle in their minds. Their senses had lost its path anyway, and all of this brought more apathy. Nobody said anything to anyone.

The elder girl’s phone rang and she cut the call immediately.”It’s all right, we have the rest of the night to talk about me. Go ahead, answer the call, it might be him (elder girl’s husband)” The younger one fumed inside out. “Really? Go ahead answer the call?” she said to out loud sarcastically. This sounded strange to the dimpled girl. “What do you mean? What is going on?”

“Tell her what is going on” she got all the more angry now.

It was the elder one’s turn now. Without making any eye contact she said it out loud “There is something that I haven’t told anyone as well. I have opted for a divorce. And the papers have arrived.” I messaged my lawyer today to ask her how long the procedure is going to take. She is calling me to inform about the same.

First of all, it was strange for everyone that they were getting calls about something so important, at that hour of the night. Ignoring this fact, the dimpled girl started panicking. “What!!?? How?? You both love each other so much? How did that..? What happened? You look so happy always!!” The younger one was too much in mental shock to say or asking anything at all.

“I won’t deny my love for him.”

“Then what!!?? Is he not treating you right? Does he not give you enough time?

Is he seeing someone else??”

“Do you hear yourself? You think I would leave someone just because they don’t give me enough time? Isn’t that too silly and can be solved?”

“What is so unsolvable then?”

“Your problem! and so is mine!”

“What is it!? will you tell us already!?”

“I love him… He loves me too. Everything is just fine, for that matter. I have also come to a conclusion that he could be my soul mate.”

“What. is. wrong.?”

“It’s been three years that we are married. I left everything, my life, my family and my career as well for him! Yes he does provide me everything. Makes sure that I am happy with all the materialistic things in my life. But… It’s been three years now that we are married. He does not make me feel excited with his presence. He does not make my heart beat raise with his presences. We share a bed, but there are sides to it. We share his family name, but he does not even walk two steps towards me and hold me, to let me dream about our own family.
I do not even know how his skin feels like.
I feel deaf when I am unable to hear his heart beats. I feel blind when I am restricted to see his bare skin.
I am content with my entire life till now, and yet I feel unsatisfied around him.
It is like I have been living with a friend, a roommate, a stranger. He is everything to be, but a husband!”

I tried everything to keep myself away from these thoughts and feelings. Tried to change myself and look at the bigger perspective. It was traumatizing for me when I experienced him being so close and yet so far, to me. The person with whom I decide to spend the rest of my life with, to give myself to him and yet feel so self around him, does not feel the same way.
And in the process of what I was and what I’ve become, the journey of a young ambitious girl, to a lover and finally to an identity away from His Wife, I’ve learnt that even though I’ve got flaws, I deserve better…”

Till the time she finished talking and the other two coping up with everything, the youngest one had tears rolling down her cheek rapidly. She always thought that the lives of the older sisters were awesome, that they were so problem free that she would work hard to get one of their lives as a gift. It was like you were painting a picture and ignored all the changes happening behind the painting board. The painted picture was so static and glued to her eyes that she could not see beyond it. Her foundation of her life goals was suddenly missing. Her reality was shaken and her bubble had broken…

But, she wasn’t crying because sad things were happening to them. In fact, lives were going to change for good. That both of them finally was getting something they had wished for. And deep down in their hearts they were happy for each other. The core reason for her tears was that she couldn’t understand or see the suffering and ups and downs beyond that happy image. They had to face everything by themselves, for so long.

Sadness escalated in the room. Both the older sisters sat on each side of the younger one and hugged her. They spent the night crying after that. Finally their eyes got tired and they fell asleep…

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